My experience taking a month days off from drinking
“cheers” gouache, acrylic and water color on paper, 2013.
“Someone who has acted carelessly, But later becomes careful and attentive, is as beautiful as the bright moon emerging from the clouds.”
-Nagarjuna
Hiya friends! I am officially a little over one month into 2020 and I feel like I have lived a whole other year. This month was particularly interesting and challenging because I finally drank the kool aid and did thirty days without alcohol. I am careful to say that I was completely sober because I feel like people tend to replace one vice for another. By people I am talking about me don’t you worry but whether it is alcohol, sex, coffee, working out, marijuana, food etc… We always find something to replace our addictions.
I know there are a million blogs and write ups about sobriety and quitting drinking in general so this is nothing new but I had to report my personal experience for myself. To be honest, I have loved not drinking for almost the entire month. I started late and I don’t know why but it happened. I started on January 5th and my one month will be this Wednesday, February 5th. This blog will possibly be up by then though so I figured why not recap a couple days ahead. I need to remember my thoughts.
I feel great physically. I took a break from drinking for two reasons. For the sake of trying to lose some weight and that did not happen. Instead I gained a bunch of muscle. I have mentioned this in previous blogs, but I have hypothyroidism and my metabolism is still just waiting to kick in. I'm kidding of course.
I work out every day, I partake in intermittent fasting, and I eat clean but I still tend to stay around the same weight. Every body is different though I guess. What a concept? I am at peace with my body but why not try to stay in shape and stay healthy. Another huge reason I did this was because in all honesty I do not believe I have gone without at least one glass of some kind of alcohol for longer than a week since my late teen years.
As a millenial I truly feel like sobriety has been all the rage. I see it all over the internet and everyone is constantly doing it. Some people are even cutting out coffee and cheese which is insane but to each their own. I support all of this 100% as long as you are advocating for yourself. I think it is great cutting out anything from your life if that is what you need but everyone’s experience is different.
I do the intakes for patients every day at my job and when people get to the social questions about alcohol, drugs and tobacco it always gets weird. First of all, I know when a lot of you are lying about your substance intake on all of these questions. Especially smokers, because WE CAN SMELL YOU. It is weird to lie to the person that is trying to help you but the craziest thing I have noticed is there are a lot of people that have a couple drinks a week or maybe close to a drink a day. These people are also worried they are going to get a slap on the wrist and luckily I am not a health professional so I won’t be the person slapping any wrists.
Just like sobriety is becoming the new rage so is drinking and smoking a lot of weed. There are dispensaries, distilleries and breweries popping up all over the place with kiddos running around them. Maybe there are not kiddos at dispensaries but it is totally not weird to see a bunch of kids in a place that serves alcohol lately, especially in Colorado. It makes me think about generations before me and how a lot of substances were just a part of the little things in life. It used to be the norm to smoke inside at your job, and to even have the occasional cocktail in the office. I have memories of my dad coming home from work and having a glass of wine while he would finish up his work and I never thought anything of it. I don’t think having a drink a day is any worse than someone having candy every day. Like I said, a vice is a vice but every health professional I know always says, “if it is affecting your life negatively then it is a problem.”
That is a mantra I can get behind. I have always let the people around me do as they please. I am nobody’s mom or guidance counselor so I really don’t care what people do. My whole life I have heard my peers chastise other people for living a life a little different than theirs. People need to worry more about themselves than others. I cut out alcohol just to see how it really felt so that when someone else tells me some condescending story about why they don’t drink I can at least say, “HEY, I DID THE THIRTY DAYS BRO.” That being said I will go into all the cool things I learned from cutting out alcohol about myself.
Taking a break from drinking was helpful in teaching me that I don’t have to treat myself to a drink as much as I have in the past. I wasn’t blacking out all the time but I would have a drink or two if it was free, someone else was having one, any occasion, a long day. Yes, there were just too many reasons for an alcoholic beverage. Maybe I should look at it like candy? I don’t eat cake and candy that much unless I am at a big event or celebration and maybe that is how alcohol can be for me.
As a comic, I am in places that serve alcohol almost every single night. Sometimes we even get paid in drinks. There are drinking themed comedy shows as well and not to mention all of the comedian gatherings where everyone just happens to be drinking. I just used to find a reason to have one or two drinks if I was out at anything comedy related. I was definitely raised to not be wasteful and I feel like that carries over into my eating and substance habits sometimes. “Don’t let anything go to waste,” I tell myself. It is how I have always been. But what does one do when these substances and things become something to be had all the time.
I have always been someone that enjoys a good wine, beer or my favorite drink, a nice tequila on the rocks with some lime, sometimes some soda water. I always just enjoyed it and then as I started to get older I would feel the hangovers harder from smaller amounts of wine and beer. So I stopped drinking those as much and just stayed with tequila because the hangovers were better. It is great but it’s like someone asking you if you had to choose one food for the rest of your life. Nobody can pick just one. I dulled it out a bunch. Also, you may not feel such a hard hangover from a tequila but if that’s what you are chilling on at a party you don’t need much to get up. It was just a culture that was a part of my weeks to have a drink socially.
Socially is my favorite option on the answers for “how much do you drink?” at my clinical job. When people can’t describe borderline alcoholism to me they just shrug and collectively (the patient and myself) we say “SOCIALLY!” together. It is funny but I think nobody really knows when something is a problem. It’s hard to say. A lot of my friends have gone cold turkey with alcohol and I respect it a lot but I just still don’t think I am in a place where I feel like I have to cut it out completely and that is what kind of scares me. I just don’t know if alcohol was a huge struggle for me more than just realizing how much of this was stemmed from me just being bored all the time.
Stand up, day jobs and most every day activities are filled with a lot of waiting around and it never occured to me to just be in the moment and not worry about a buzz to take the edge off all the weird shit I see at work daily or just how wild our country is right now. I think I just gave myself too many reasons to drink for a while there and after taking some time off of it I am realizing I don’t need it or crave it as much as I thought.
It feels great to not wake up feeling like sleep could have been better, or waking up remembering the weird food I got the drunk munchies for and ate the night before. I just really have been able to fit in even more into my schedule than I was before because I am not tired at all. That is the biggest take away. I already cram a solid 80 hours of crap I do for a living into each week. Why not let my body be happy and hydrated for some of those days. I will also admit it can bring out emotions and not drinking has definitely helped me to give even less fucks about the small shit or anything that doesn’t involve me. Days without drinking help you remember you have everything you need to crush life inside you already.
I didn’t crave any alcohol until I went to my friend’s engagement party. Boy, that was a big test. It was this past Saturday too so I was like 25ish days into my stride and so many people were like “Hey! Want a drink? Take a shot with me!” It is funny how much you have to tell someone that you are for sure not drinking that night. I really did want a drink but I was driving and I also was so close to 30 days without drinking and why fuck it up now? After about an hour I was dancing all stoney bologna Bowman and having a good time. I was able to really take in the love at this party. I know that is so mushy and you probably hate me for saying it but it is true. I was riding on everyone else’s energy and it was lovely. Also, I had a cupcake and didn’t feel bad about it. Hilarious how much I would avoid sweets but just be poisoning myself with alcohol some nights instead. I will take the cupcake.
As I was driving my partner Brad and I home after the party I recalled all the bullshit that happened in January. Work was a mess. They were working us into the ground to make up patient numbers from December, and there were a handful of people I love that lost some loved ones. There was a lot of weird personal stress surrounding my favorite people in this world and myself. It was a time where I felt like the only power I had to share was to be a good listener for some of these pals. I know myself and I know I am emotional. If I was drinking, I do believe I would have been a tad more dramatic with my feelings but instead I held strong for my friends and family. For me, that was a new strength to carry around with me. Just a new way to step up and jump in for the people around me.
I no longer feel that a drink will take the edge off. Instead it will just be something to celebrate with here and there. I need to earn my drinks. I also must say that my stand up feels sharper without a drink. Mini addition to 30 days without alcohol I also did twenty-six days of yoga last month. I probably wouldn’t have completed that if I was sleepy and hung over any of those days. I feel lighter and happier and I am not sure when I’ll have a drink again but if I do it will be worth it and not a waste because I feel that it can be a gift in moderation. I am two days away from a month and I will be spending it not drinking and hosting a themed show at Comedy Works on Wednesday, February 5th at 8 PM (Call the Club for Tix)
I couldn’t be more pumped. Thanks for reading and until next time friends.
Katie