I have been on a salad dressing from scratch kick and I can’t go back! For this dressing I tackled the Green Goddess bebee! I’m going into that new year with that green goddess energy! Lol okay anyway, I stole some ideas from multiple recipes and put together my own!
Obviously you can dress it up or down however you want! It will be at the end of this blog post for you if you want that recipe and you’re like, “I Don’t Know This Bitch! I Just want to make a damn dressing!” Then scroll to the bottom! I got you!
Okie dokie! So, I must say goodbye to 2022 in some kind of fashion here. This year was ultra-exhausting! I started off 2022 burnt the fuck out at Planned Parenthood while trying to balance comedy and art. I think I felt the repercussions from 2020 even harder this year. 2020 was this year where everyone’s dreams came to a halt and then we were forced to be in a state of survival. Dreams we’re not lost but also trauma had yet to be processed. Then 2021 came along and we were all just so happy to be out working again but then we realized that the dreams we had either were no longer there and or we were starting all over again. Then of course, 2022 hit hard with inflation, more illness, more political bullshit and war.
I realize now that my personal problem was that I was holding onto what 2020 had taken away from me. It was a harsh lesson to learn but I have come to see that I am simply in a new world. It seems obvious but I was trying to still be this 2020 version of myself in my art and comedy. I was holding onto the gains I had coming my way in 2020 and I was stuck there like trying to fit in some pants from high school. Who gives a fuck about those pants! They aren’t even in style anymore.
It was hard to be back in a comedy scene that is completely different than from what it was before. Comedy scenes are clicky everywhere, but it was like I wasn’t as close with people I was hanging with a ton before and I was also seeing other friendships around the scene dissolve. Then on top of that you’re also embracing all the new faces around the scene. I selfishly felt like I lost my place here and there. I made this vision board in my head that I was going to keep climbing the Denver comedy ladder and then when I was in a good place I could move. But when so many people quit, move, and new people come into a comedy scene like the last three years it demolished this comedy hierarchy that was once there.
I had to really check in with my ego and be like okay we like this though. I have never been one to think there is only one good comedian out there. Comedy is so weird because people will ask you who your favorite comedian is and I don’t think they even realize how common and vast comedy is these days. There are truly so many talented people out there. I have always thought that there is work for everyone like any other job. I know people try to pick favorites for everything, but I could never. There are so many amazing musicians out there, actors, directors, artists. Life would be so boring with just one person steamrolling through everyone else. So, then why did I feel like I was so slighted this year? lol.
I was holding onto an old reality. It was what I thought I had to be but then in this real reality breaking down these barriers are actually a beautiful thing. I have always hated gatekeepers; I still struggle with rejection letters, I am a hardcore FOMO gal but more so within my own town than other cities? (Interesting thought) It seemed like the only outlets and options for me to get the stage time or to be noticed were these kinds of rooms. So, obviously I would get so hurt when someone never booked me but then One day, I was reading Molly Shannon’s autobiography and she tells the reader to work with people who want to work with you. It is something I have heard before, but I don’t know if I truly practiced it. Then I sat down and thought about how much I was focusing on people that never book me that I wasn’t actually present when on shows or hanging out with people that wanted me there.
It was like performing to a really warm room and then there is one table not laughing. I spend the entire time focusing on that table and don’t even realize that it is also affecting my set. lol SO, my therapist noticed a fear of rejection in me. She asked me where I think it came from and I did some digging. It is absolutely from growing up different, just being one of the only lil chubby redheads in my school growing up, I also had ADHD so I was so hyper and wild. I grew up being told to control myself in any way possible. I feel like a lot of kids are told that, especially assigned females at birth. My family also had always expressed how important it was to fit in. It took me a long time to get to a place where I stopped trying to appear to look a certain way for anyone but myself, but I still have this mega people pleaser mindset that I am working on. I am happy to have come closer to healing that part of me.
Of course, that people pleaser part of me wants everyone to like me. I envied people that don’t care how their actions are perceived in the world. It is fun to see sometimes and know like wow that person is shameless! I really wanted to be shameless for a long time which is impossible when you have so much shame (haha). And because of that, I would want to have the approval of these people so I too, could just keep moving forward. For me, this is not sustainable though, I like to communicate and feel comfortable where I am. If I hurt someone, I can feel it and it will keep me up at night. I am lucky that two of my friends that have been stable supportive people in my life lent me a couple amazing books to read this year. I read All About Love by Bell Hooks and Radical Friendship by Kate Johnson.
In these books they talk about how being in a loving community is what gives us a more fulfilling life. That here in America we have gotten away from holding community to a higher standard. The Neopatriarchal family structure has made it a selfish place out there. It made me actually smile because I felt like my heart was so seen. I remember getting in trouble for buying my friend’s lunch at school as a little kid and one day two family members sat me down and said I care too much about my friends. At the time it made me feel embarrassed or bad. But as I age, I have found that friendships have served me some of the richest moments of my life and they are worth getting in trouble for tehe.
I have many friends that feel like family members to me. I feel like your real family consists of the people that want the best for you, accept you for you, and hold space for you when you need someone to listen to you. A lot of people only focus on their own family or a relationship. It is the perfect storm for creating resentment to people around you that may seem different. Over time it makes people so mean! It is why that crazy person you accidentally cut off on the highway followed you home. Having a diverse group of people in your life keeps you young! It keeps you wondering and learning. I love seeing people helping each other out and hanging out.
I also talked with all of these people that I love so much this year about my career and what I am doing. I don’t think I would have been able to just quit my job at my breaking point without the help from family and friends. Many people were so supportive and if I didn’t have that I would have stayed at PP And I would have turned into a lil popped balloon stuck in a tree with no way down! I talked with so many friends who felt like they were starting over too and how they were getting through it and finding ways to bounce back. I talked with friends that helped me remember there are other ways to get your name out there and get work without having to suck any ego head’s dick.
I talked with friends about having thoughts of doubt and quitting and just saying it to people helped me figure out what to do next. It felt good too! To just say the awful thoughts in your head. I also talked with friends who quit comedy or other jobs and how they were really happy. This at least showed me it is okay to take breaks and come back to things. I did the same thing as an artist why not in all other jobs. Saying that I have thoughts of quitting was helpful to also realize that maybe it isn’t the act of performing I wanted to quit. It was all the other bullshit that comes with stand up comedy or any industry. So, it gave me a jump off point to ask myself what can you stop worrying about that you actually have control over to make it easier for you to do what you love? For starters, let’s invest more time in the people that want to work with you and be proud of what you have done.
I also talked with my therapist about friends that I had recently grown apart with and she helped me realize the only person that gets in the way of figuring shit out like a distance that has grown between someone and you, is you! I know people can’t read minds, and also have thousands of distractions going on day to day. It may hurt but either way it will get closure with whatever is going on and I can move forward. It was that fear of rejection that was holding me back again. Ever since then I have been more clear and able to advocate for my soft lil heart.
I also gave in and got a part-time job that I love so far where I am a caregiver for kids with mental disabilities. I have been learning so much and these kids are amazing. It also feels good to have something to combat this new inflation going on. That being said I have figured out what works for me as a new freelance artist performer person. And life feels a little more stable in that sense. I am not burning it at both ends and that also have given me lots of time to organize myself. Life is better when you put more energy into things you can control. In the long run change is for the best and we just have to embrace it.
I am excited to see what comes. I am currently writing to you all from my bed. Brad and I hosted a sold-out Roast of 2022 show at Wide Right last night and it was a magical time. I think part of what was so lovely was all the new talent we got to see on stage that also wanted to be a part of a new silly tradition. It was a great gathering of people to do what we all do best, send off another year talking shit. I am excited to keep learning and not quit anything yet.
HaAaAaAapPpPpYyYy NeEeEeW YEeEeAaAaArRrR
The Slimer (Katie’s Green goddess dressing)
1 cup of plain yogurt. (or you can sub with non dairy yogurt/sour cream, or an avocado)
2 table spoons of apple cider vinegar
1 teaspoon of Tahini
1/3 cup of water
1/4 cup of olive oil
1/4 cup of chopped parsley
1/2 cup of chopped green onions
1/4 cup of a sweet onion
1 lemon
3/4 cup of basil
Cilantro (optional) a few pinches is what I put but you can put however much more you want
1/2-1 teaspoon of tarragon
1/2-1 teaspoon of salt
Black pepper to your liking
1 garlic clove
Couple sprinkles of dill
Blend it all up bebee!
Happy New Year!
Bowman